JAX's Blogs

Wowee mowee......another year on this gods green earth. How was it?! Eh I can always complain and never justify it. The year was filled with its ups and downs as usual. I was somehow able to join a band that has evolved into more than I could of hoped for and still is goin strong. I got myself tangled up in a few more doomed romances.....but i look at relationships like standing up and stretching to fast and getting a really bad head rush now. Its something that i try to avoid on a daily basis and still just do.

Why is it that every descent girl I come across I get bored with and every girl I want nothin to do with is throwin themselves at me. I cant help but blame my chosen occupation for my "difficulties" in maintaining a one woman excistence. Good girls dont trust me because i get all fucked up on almost a schedule now, and Bad girls are all over me and whoever the next fucker with a pair of sticks in his hand happens to cross their path. Yet this hypothosis cannot be proven and even in my own mind still is to far fetched for my apprehension. For people have always looked at me as some kind of psychotic, and I dont deny their logic.

Yes I may be kinda crazy but who the fuck isnt? Admitting you have a problem is the first step to becoming another fuckin face in the crowd in my book. I dont have problems.....I have distractions. This 20th year I feal will hopefully be my age of reason. When I finaly do what ive been thinkin of doin. Inspiration has struck me hard and now my quest to find that girl is gonna be cut down by my so called "blossoming" career.

All I see coming is fuckin music. Get ready for it.

YYYEEEPPPPPP. Lifes lookin up people! I thought id just fuckin do a damn blog for once. See what the fuck is so fullfilling about exposing my defining information for the phase of reality that i occupy for such a small amout of time before drifting into another piece of the so called pie. But Im talkin to my family again now. WOW. Yes im still pissed but you can only burry so many hatchets. And now the band is like startin to do better. I really kinda didnt believe that we could get better, but oh me of little faith in my own and my brothers in rock, preverbial SKILLS. Well shit just call me a pecsimist.

Still no girl. Its gettin very annoying looking for love in this place. I see one here or their that catches my attention but my interest is short lived when all of the factors come into play, me not havin a vehicle bein one of them. It seems like I intemidate the opposite sex now almost. Or maybe its the braces?! SIKE!!

But why is it that I have to have emotional attatchment to see myself succeed? Is it the unfallable weakness that every person has? NO....I mean seriously tho. Should i go out and try to just fuck some chick? Is that what i have to do to be happy? I think personaly thats fuckin shallow and im tired of it. Then the emotional scar glows in the back of my mind like a forest fire burning away forgiveness and trust and leaving the raw instinct and resentment as ashes me to dig through to find something else to burn.

Jeez man listen to me. People always say im so care free. Thats only because im good at hiding it. Cuz what does everyone else do but act like one person or another? We have no control over throwing our past into the present everyday. Be it a harsh word to a close friend because you were beat as a child, not wearing your glasses because you were picked on, or fuck just buckling your seatbelt cuz your grandpa always told you to.

Life is just a big ass act until you find that person that you dont have to act for. Then still its so hard to trust them not to leave when you stop acting. I wish the truth was just another way of lieing sometimes.

But seriously now dont be readin this shit and be like "OH JAX IS SO MORBID AND DEPRESSED AND FUCKED UP ON HEROIN AND SHIT!!" cuz im sober and im not fuckin depressed! THEIR ARE PEOPLE AT WAR. I have it good. Welp fuck the man and shit. yeah dude.